Well thank you PC'ers.

I'm praying My grandson is starting his "Wholeness" from his "Holeness".

He has had 3 very long phone conversations with his bio father before we met, which I thought there was only 1. They are growing. My daughter in law talked with me last night about all this and she said she really wished that (I'll call my son "D", for Dad and our grandson as "G"...) D could have been there with us. They just don't have the money to have arranged a flight. They live far away. Nor did I even think about it (or have the extra money just sitting around). It was very short notice and the death in the family was too much the major priority at that time.

G hasn't had an easy, loving time growing up. He was even placed in foster care for a few years while in middle school due to "that fact" per his mother to me and then reinforced by G telling this to his D, that he wouldn't follow her rules. They have been very open to each other.

G does have many issues. Not just the adopted issues. I'm being very open-minded - focusing not on the adoptive parents views as gospel, or on G's 'side of the story' being right or wrong. It is their own opinion on what their reality is/was. I'm trying hard to not make any judgements. I decided to be a truthful as I could be while sitting around the round table when we all met for that first time. Some of my gut feeling about the mom have been varified by G's body language and by what have since found out by our son. I'm not wanting the past in influence my future which started with that meeting. I'm not choosing sides, but want a role as fulfilling G's life time happiness from NOW.

I just want to give/have/work toward unconditional love for G. I'd like to have a good relationship with his partents as well. I couldn't take G in and raise him, it would have caused my marriage to crumble. Since G is now an adult, trying to figure out who he is, I want my job to be one of incouragement and not in 'fixing' the past in anyway. I know limits and soft gentle limits have to be in place, like I - we aren't just your new fount parents. a money tree to be picked off - a place to live - because you don' want to live at home - you know what I'm trying to say. He is currently going to move back in with his parents to save money (he works) so he can move south where he thinks he will like the weather better!

I don't want to do like divored couples do with their children where the dad or missing parent tries to buy their children when it is their week-end to have them.

I'm hoping to enjoy good or bad times. I don't think I feel guilt, it is what it is.

Am I seeing things in a way that sounds responsible and in a role that is appropreitate (sp??) and it will happen as it is meant to without me meddling too much.

It is a little scary

As an adopted person, what were your expections of your bio family? Especially if it was as a young adult when you found them?