You sound like you are in same position I was in. I felt like no one understood what I was feeling and what I was going through. My wife stood beside me through it all. I got to the point to where I felt like I just wanted to be alone, not realizing it I was pushing her away. She eventualy left me. Thats when I got real bad, I wanted her and needed her. My parents wanted to commite me I just wanted to die. After a few months my wife came back and I am better now. You are not alone!!