Hazleeyes....
I also try to look for things online to either give me hope or to assure me that my plans for final destination can be proved. The Demons inside of my consume me.
My T tells me to stop looking things up online. She says they begin to complicate what I am learning in T.
And ((DJ)) is so right...there is no "meaning of life" to be found searching the internet.
If you go to India...do you not take your troubles and pain w/ you? I know it sounds like a great idea now...but your mind goes w/ you wherever you go.
Stay here. Keep fighting the demons. Keep working on YOU!
Stay Safe!