Ok for a wee while I have struggled with thoughts in my head and impulsive behaviour(s) which I have acted on.... some of this may trigger ok

Every so often I become compusive to walk in front of traffic. I have done this when I am both manic and depressed.

When I am Manic I will do this as a kinda buzz drive that I thrive on. I will just casually walk across a road and think I can miss the on-coming traffic. I think I am a super-hero who has powers. I think I will be un-hurt as will everyone else and that its all going to be ok!! However I now realise that the drivers would toot their horns at me and or curse at me.

When I am Depressed I will do this to well how to put it PC wise and not offend people... injure myself if not more.

I know what will happen if both of the above happens.... The drivers and passangers and their vehicles will be damaged if not worse. I know I could and be severly hurt if not worse. But I still want and have urges to do this.

I told my Psych Nurse when I saw him yesterday and he says I am a danger to myslef and others and he is concerned. He has said he has a duty of care to me and the public. He said if I can't be safe he will need to inform my Mum as she is my next of kin.... worried about that bit. He said even worse I might be hospitalised if it gets worse.

I have a secret to tell and that's I have not been taking my meds. I have took them today but have not been taking them. I really opened up to Psych Nurse as usually I am quiet but he said I did well to tell him. He noticed I was really edgy and was anxious.... he said is this your mood today or is it just talking to me you have been feeling this way.... it was my mood. He always comments on how animated I am in sessions.... I have no idea what that means though.

I am worried as I am not seeing him for 3 weeks and a lot of things have/are happening in my life which is making it all topsy turvey at the moment. Psych Nurse said I wouldn't like to be sectioned and said I am a sensible woman and should be sensible.

He joked at the end that if he saw me jumping out while he is driving he will get out his car and kick my butt.... which made me smile. I was anxious to get out of the clinic but anxious to stay there

I just dont know what to think/feel at the moment and about my above scenario....

Am I a super-hero?