I'm 56 years old and have been unemplyoed for the past 8 years+ - maybe 10. My life is basically ruined - my credit is shot. My wife has a job and I've been stuck at home. I would love to work but can't find anything at my age and with my huge gap in employment. I would like to simply write and paint but there's no money in that. I'm a musician too and we all know that no one needs a jazz guitar player anymore.

So I had this flash realization and a huge surge of relief today when the idea of suicide crossed my mind. It actually concerns me deeply. I didn't realize things were that bad. I'm in great shape physically save for some arthritis in my neck and back. Anyway, the wave of relief was so strong it frightened me a bit. I do not want to embarrass my family or hurt my wonderful grand daughter who loves me (she's 7). My grandfather killed himself when he was only 62. He had depression issues I think and I have been diagnosed with severe depression in the past but had been treated and feeling ok for the last 3 years.

If I had the financial misery off my back, I would feel great I believe. But at my age and circumstances, I'll never get a decent job again. I truly believe fnancial relief would help me out of this nightmare. Any ideas? Thank you for reading this message. I have no friends and have been living a very isolated life for many many years. Marriage is lousy - have one son 17 years old. I have failed him as well - he wants to go to college after next year and I am terrified that he won't have the money because of me.