Thanks JD. Really appreciate your words. I've tried. And tried and tried. My father is an old farm boy who has an inherent distrust of every Dr. or Lawyer or society in general. Has lapsed into what I believe is a sort of paranoia & perhaps even dimensia. He's currently convinced his neighbor - the same neighbor who loves my Dad & has spent the last 10 years looking after him. Taking him meals, shoveling his walk in the winter - cutting his grass in the summer & otherwise provided Dad with companionship - is coming over when Dad isn't home and stealing his food (Dad lives on hot dogs!) and "moving stuff around." Dad's also convinced this neighbor is trying to "get money out of my Will," ignoring my reminding him her doesn't HAVE a Will....

Point is - yes, I've spent all my life - litterly as long as I can remember - trying to get this man to love me, to see me, to hear me. But more importantly, I've spent his declining years - especially since Mom died - trying to convince him I love him. To no avail. While I might be able to come into a conversation with him a mature - relatively stable - 57 y/o man, by the time we're done that conversation, I'm back to being that 10 y/o who is just been told I'm S**T - a "Girl" for wanting to hug when I leave - and lots of other, vulgar, names I won't mention here. Add to that he is my principle abuser, & well, my T says it's probably not the wisest thing for me to be "exposed to him." Re-traumatizing" she calls it.

It's just difficult. I didn't have the chance to tie up the looses ends with Mom before she died. I waited too long - and I wasn't at a place where I could do it - and by the time I could have, she had sunk into her own dimentia. She didn't even know who I was at the end. But then again, maybe she never did... Neither does he. I was hoping he would be willing to let me do that before he goes. Looks like he's not going to.

Thanks for chiming in though. It's nice that during the good times at least, your parents DID appreciate your kindness. Nice memory to have I imagine.

Lavalamp

At what point do you say : "Enough is enough."