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(JD) · May 17, 2011, 10:16 PM

It sounds more like your dad is suffering with dementia...and may need more attention. Obviously he isn't receiving good nutrition, and that may be adding to its severity.

Yes, from time to time--very rarely--I was thanked etc. But I wasn't the favorite, and the one who was could do anything right or wrong and always benefitted...took advantage of them, and benefitted, often to my own detriment.

Family.

There was a game that came out in the early 80s... can't recall the name of it, but it was similar to some of those that make the players decide if you are telling the truth or not, when answering a game question. My question was about if my dad (who was very much alive then) were in a nursing home and no longer knew who I was, would I visit? I was called a liar by all but one when I said for a while I would, but then no, not if he didn't know who I was. I would go until I was able to say goodbye. I told the truth.

You do have to let go, write them off, end the abuse, give up hope for change...whatever you gotta call it, at some point. Parents get old and die. For most, the most difficult part of that is realizing "you" are next.

Anyway, try and keep in mind that you and my parents were of a different generation, saw unbelievable events, endured fears and hardships and learned some hard knocks of life...and they became very strong and most often stubborn about self care and individuality, and add to that that the men of that age abhorred going to medical doctors etc! My own dad could have lived had he shared his pains, but alas he didn't know what he didn't know...he didn't know about milestones in medical science (though he was up to date on everything else!) and maybe he could have lived longer. But he was 84 when he passed. We just expected him to last to 100 easy. Talking about it...well yeah... soft touch my heart.

Gone are the chances for a loving childhood... all the anger and frustration and sadness that goes with that lost opportunity rises to the surface when a parent becomes so infirmed or passes. One of the things my dad said to me, in the last week or so of his life was, quite going to doctors and get on with my life. He never understood my pain, my ptsd from the accident... it hurts to think even my dad may have felt I was faking (enter the otehr sibling who could do no wrong and worked against me?) the whole thing?

It's hard to let you. But you work on it...think about it...decide what is and isn't good for you now...and draw that line. Make the decision now before things become totally emotional and you're in the throes of fast, desperate decisions influenced by other's expectations...so that you will have it to stand upon.

Big hugs.