This "depression" or whatever it is....it sucks all the life out of me. I don't care about anything. I miss all those I've lost. I'm not living any more. I exist and I hate every minute of it. It physically hurts more than any thing I've ever experienced.
I was recently inpatient where they regulated my meds and gave me some hope. After a whole week of feeling normal, a nurse decided I was manic and called my p-nurse who, without even asking me, cut my meds. I am now in that black place again and unwilling to trust the medical profession.
The one good thing is I will finally get into my dream university, Harvard. I did a full body donation to Harvard Medical school because that may be my only reason for being born. I am not planning anything drastic and my T knows how I feel...just venting....