You'll have to start somewhere. After a long break from employment, it is like starting over. You may not find what you consider a decent job now but you may find a job that can be a stepping stone along the path that you want to take. And any job will provide you with more feelings of self-worth and purpose.

Are you seeing a therapist who can help you out of this place where you are and no longer want to be?

The relief - and even joyful - feelings from envisioning suicide as a logical solution comes from wanting a solution and feeling there are few or no options.
Suicidal feelings are also a statement that says "I feel THIS much pain about...". And they are just thoughts and don't have to be acted on. What can be acted on is that desire for a solution, evident in the solution you came up with and evident in your post that reaches out to others for their thoughts. It says "I want to do something about this, but I don't know what to do, I don't know where to start, I don't know if I can do it, and I feel alone trying to figure it out."

You aren't alone here.
And in therapy, you will have someone to help you figure it out and who will support you, listen to your fears, your hopes, your desires, and who will help you find your solutions.

We start where we are. It's the only place we can be and we work toward being where we want to be.