I know your frustration as well. My boyfriend has been depressed on top of having untreated, out-of-control OCD for the past year and it's really driven a wedge between us. I would feel angry at him a lot for putting so much pressure on me and being neglectful of my own feelings or just outright ignoring me. It's hard for those of us who are outside the depression. There have been times when I wanted to shake him and scream at him to snap out of this constant self-pity. I didn't, though, because I knew it would only make him feel worse and thus worsen the situation.

But, the fact is, it's not his fault, and it's not your wife's fault. Depression is like a black hole, and it's very hard to watch a loved one go through it and not get sucked in yourself. It sounds like you could also possibly benefit from therapy for yourself, not just couples' therapy because it sounds like you have some anger issues and insecurity issues. If you're becoming anti-social, try to rectify that. Call up some friends or maybe just go out by yourself. Start up a hobby or get some more exercise. Natural endorphin rushes can really make you feel better. Go for a nice, long walk. Use these three days to come up with a plan to make changes for the better-but do it for yourself not for her or the relationship. In doing it for yourself, you make yourself a much emotionally healthy person to be in a relationship.

As far as the way you treated her doing the depression, well, that's a tough one. You reacted out of fear and, yes, that was unwise and wrong of you, but you're only human. You know you did wrong and are trying your best to make up for it. But you can't make her forgive you for that. And it will take time. You also need to step back and take a deep breath. Give her the space she wants and needs even if it hurts. Accusing her of things like leaving or infidelity are only going to push her further away. If she constantly gets these negative reactions from you, then it's understandable why she may not want to talk to you.

What sort of things attracted her to you in the first place? What did you two do at the beginning of the relationship, before you were married?