I am so frustrated. I got a phone call when I was nearly finished with a response, and I ended up deleting the whole thing.

I will try to remember everything...

First... as to his family... His adoptive parents both passed away and they weren't much to brag about as parents. All I can really say, is that thanks to them my husband was not as bad off as he would have been with his birth mother and siblings....

Definitely adds to the explanation.

Next... I planned to speak to my therapist this week and see if she feels it might be time to invite him to come with me to next weeks visit or one soon anyway... May wait a couple more weeks because his job is in a busy time right now, but looks like he will need to have gallbladder surgery soon, so maybe he could avoid missing work by coming during his recovery time.

My husband came to my therapist one time, ONLY because it was to help me but I think it helped both of us. It made me feel safe enough to tell him things that i wouldn't say at home, and he was able to hear things about me that I couldn't explain but my therapist could, and my T could offer some suggestions on how to compromise a bit.

Reg his work cell phone, I have mentioned that to him, but unfortunately or fortunately I guess for him, he works for a small family owned business and they really care less as long as he isn't doing anything that costs money...

My therapist and I believe that he is at a point in life that he really doesn't know who he is, so he can't share with me, something he doesn't yet understand... I GET THAT, BUT TO ME IT SEEMS LIKE IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING, WOULDN'T MOST PEOPLE WANT TO FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP THEM UNDERSTAND????

Some people are just more resistant to change, or help. they don't want to "open the can of worms" so to speak...let out the demons.

He just seems so content to be unhappy and make me miserable.

If he's depressed, he's not content and probably not enjoying making you miserable...he may just be helpless.

I am considering printing all this off to let him read what I have shared and what other people are saying.....

WHAT ARE YOUR OPINIONS??

I might show him what you are saying but showing him what others are saying may make him feel like he's being ganged up on. Maybe you should ask your therapist as well - you can always just write him a letter with your feelings in it - might help you get them in order.

DO YOU GUYS THINK IT MIGHT BE HELPFUL OR CAUSE MORE HARM?

OR should I print and let my therapist read it 1st and see what she thinks?

He has at least up until the last couple years, always said that my parents treated him more like a son, then his parents ever did.

Now that he has re-connected with his birth mother and other family, he has learned that as bad as he had it with his adoptive family, it was far better than if he had stayed in that envirnment. His mother and half siblings have all had drug, alcohol, abuse, and criminal problems. He would have been nearly helpless to have ended up being a normal adult. He decided as a very young man, that he would not end up like his adoptive parents and has worked his behind off, to make something better out of his life. I am so proud of all he has accomplished since I met him at 18. He doesn't drink hardly ever at all, and when he has it is minimal. He has always been a good father and he was my rock....until he made contact with the mess of a familyche was born into....

I AM SURE IN MY HEART AND SOUL, THAT THERE IS A REAL LINK there to the changes he has gone through, but I can't get him to do anything to help him through this mess...

Being adopted myself, i can very much relate to the huge impact finding a biological family can have on you. I don't know the details of this, but finding mine, and realizing how dysfunctional they were was very difficult on me.

He just seems to not trust me.... or maybe he thinks I can't handle whatever it is, but I told him that I can handle anything but what he is doing to me. I can deal with anything but silence and distance.... it hasn't changed anything...