I had a mixed episode last fall. It lasted about two months and was the "agitated depression" variety. My mood and thoughts were very depressed, but I felt on edge, revved up and very irritable. I began taking Risperdal and it helped quite a bit. I've been on and off antipsychotics over the last ten years. Geodon may not be the right med for you. Are you on a mood stabilizer as well? Any antidepressants? Try not to lose faith - it can take a while to get the right mix of meds. And then things can change on you after a while and need readjusting.

Mixed episodes can be lengthy, as you seem to be experiencing, or they can be short and intense if someone rapid cycles. There are so many different ways people experience bipolar disorder, that it's a wonder how they decided it was all the same thing! If you haven't checked in with your pdoc recently, I would, just to let them know that you're not feeling much relief.

As for this being your "new life" and wondering if you will ever have long periods of feeling normal....like I said, it can take some time to regain your balance. It is a chronic illness that needs to be managed, sort of like diabetes. Eating well, avoiding drugs and alcohol, making sure you get enough (but not too much) sleep...all of these things can make a big difference. Mood charting is a good tool to use to help track patterns that you may not be aware of. People can have very long stretches of wellness, but also very frustrating periods of seemingly endless illness. From reading your other posts, it seems like you're in a better place than you were over the winter. Even though you're still not where you want to be, you are closer, and every little step counts. Be gentle and patient with yourself while you continue to heal.

If it's any consolation to you.....eight years ago I was one signature away from being sent to a State Hospital for six months. Five months later I was working full time, and continued to work for the next seven years. There were readjustments along the way, but overall I did very well for a long time. I came to the realization that, although I will always be bipolar, I will not always be sick.

Hang in there..it gets better.