Trigger for triggering dream

Hi guys....

I see T today

I saw him last Monday, so it's been a long time. And I didn't think I would be anxious, but I AM. Like shaking. I don't know why I'm surprised, because I always feel like this before sessions, but I AM surprised.

Last night I had a dream that I heard people talking about me being sexually assaulted. I couldn't remember it happening so I didn't know what was going on. I asked my H about it, and it turned out that people knew it had happened and that I really couldn't remember it. When it happened, someone called my parents and my H, I went to the doctor, etc. I was shocked. I asked if it had happened in our house, and he said no, and told me where it had happened. People knew who did it, and everything. I had completely blocked it out of my mind, but when people started talking about it, it was like there was this dark place in my head where I could almost remember it.

I woke up and felt...UGH. I think I have this fear that there is a piece of my history that I just don't remember, because I won't let myself. It scares me when I think about it...I don't know what it would be, and I don't ACTUALLY think there is anything...but it's just this thing that is in the back of my head sometimes. Actually, what I'm scared of is that my CSA might have been done by someone else (not the person I think it was). I haven't even said that to T.

I'm not sure why I'm typing all of this out. I guess I'm just thinking out loud. Maybe this is why I can't talk in T these days. I don't want to open my mouth to say what I'm really afraid of, so I can't open my mouth at all.

I leave in an hour.