Thank you for your replies. I'm feeling a bit better now. I'm trying the best I can, and that is not a lot. I just don't have the qualities to chat to strange women, or to feel better.

I generally hate people. People lie and they betray you. Just when I thought I found someone who I thought could be trusted, I got stabbed in the back. Which leads to my initial thought that people can't be trusted. I know that is no way to live, so it's better to just quit. Even when I type this, it seems like the only logical thing to do.

Also I don't have any goals in life. I can try to set some goals for myself, but I know I will never reach my own goals. I just need to do everything perfectly, and when I fail, I get depressed. I have always had the goal to be happy, but this just seems like an impossible goal, since I never even came close.

People have always said that I have great potential, and I started to believe it somehow. But when you reach 25 and have dropped out of college, you'll realise that you totally f***ed up.

I don't think my father is the issue. He's dead and buried now, and he has been the perfect excuse for me to act very withdrawn. I now realise that he has never been the problem, I was. So I can't blame him, I can only blame myself.

I guess I'm just waiting for a miracle to happen. Because I am unable to change by myself.