Thanks guys,

I dont' feel suicidal at all well not at the moment. I do have this when I am suicidal though so I know its a catch 22. My Psych Nurse knows about my "risky behaviour" at the moment. He is seeing me again in 3 weeks time which is the only time he can see me. I haven't told my GP as I was a bit antsy when I saw her. I am more manic now as I am talking to these guys online and 1 of them has my phone number. We chatted last night. I have told them I have BP as when this happened the last time my GP and Psych Nurse said they don't know I am "ill" I am not "ill" btw!!!

I told my friend today that I am having this problem and she has said I am being dangerous and I need to stop it in a sense. We were crossing a road today... before I spoke to her about it and I walked right out in front of on-coming traffic she pulled me back and looked at me. She has had to do that a few times. She tends to hold my arm or has her arm out in front of me. Which is embarrassing.

I don't want to take my meds anymore, I just want a life without them. But I have started taing them again.... took them yesterday and today