Ahhhh! I can't stop envying certain people. I don't want to envy them or ruminate about why I can't control my feelings, but I think envy is a very real sense of my character right now. I want to change to participate rather than compete and envy. Inside myself is a sense of low self-esteem that results from my refusal to do what is right. I don't know if it's actually called refusal to do what's right or I can justify my actions with the truth of not being able to control my energy to do what's right. I'm very lazy because I'm low energy, and I can't help it. I keep trying to change, but I retreat back to laziness, where it's comfortable and familiar. It seems like I have to try 10x as hard as others just to achieve a little, and I get frustrated by the slow results. I don't want to envy anyone just because I can't do it as good as they can. I want to participate in the world, but I just say so, and inside is this annoying sense of envy that I can't help but feel when triggered in the right circumstances. What can I learn to stop my envying? I feel it is malicious and it's not a constructive feeling to have. It doesn't help anyone or anything, and it's a waste of time. I would like all the explanations I can get. Thanks!