Thanks so much guys. I don't usually sit on the floor. And something last night was so deeply wounded that I was litterally tossing and turning and holding my head in my bed and crying inside with a silent yell so I wouldn't wake up my mate. I know for a fact I will never - ever- sit on the floor again that way - there.

I didn't ask him - and he is so kind that I know he would have joined me even if he was hurting. I feel he was just giving me my space. That is logical mind.
Something in emotional mind though was hit too deeply. WAY WAY WAY too deeply.
I am certain it is transference but no clue what.

I have always been a floor sitter. Even in school - if I had a chance to give up my seat so I could grab the carpet, I was there. I tend to freak friends out sometimes when I go to their home because I will choose the floor over a seat if I can do so.
It just feels like I am able to be happier and safer on the floor. But I was a kid who spent a LOT of time actually sleeping UNDER my bed.

I remember that it was so special to me to have a friend come join me on the floor. Like they were actually with me in my energy and place. Like they were safe for me to be around if they were on the floor.

Something about a male in a chair when I am on the floor... uggg. That is not feeling safe or good for me so I am not going there. In fact, I may email T my posts here because I will NOT tell him this in person next week. It is making me way way way too sad deep inside. That means I need to at least give him the info so if he wants to help me on it he can prompt me. I know it is my job to bring up my junk, but stuff this deep (and I can't describe the way this feels) he will sometimes help me on if I give it to him. uggg. Oh well. I can overcome this too!