Greensky - you have received some excellent input from above responders, and there is little I can add. The fact that you are remorseful and trying to change counts for MUCH. I, too, have done much bad in my life, but I believe that confessing of sins, forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others is the key to receiving forgiveness. In my belief system, we are forgiven as we forgive others. Examine what resentments you have, as I believe this may be the biggest barrier to your peace of mind. In the end, resentment is useless, as life is short. What happens to us is of relative unimportance. How we respond to these events - that is what counts. Consider the truth in that childhood song, "Row, row, row your boat/Gently down the stream/Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily/life is but a dream." I don't know whether life here is a dream, but it is certainly brief, and what happens here is of practically no importance - only the behavior with which we respond to it counts for anything. In my belief system, forgiveness is granted in response to our forgiveness of others. If you can forgive those people and circumstances which comprise your current resentment, I think you will have traveled a long way toward peace of mind.