but the computer froze and I lost my work. My initial thought was that there was some higher power preventing me from saying it, because if I did it would be disrespectful to the memory of my mother. But this morning I'm feeling less frightened and superstitious.

Basically, I remembered that my mother used to give my brother and I phenigrin (originally prescribed for hayfever) to put us to sleep. She also at least once gave us a prescription sleeping tablet, and I remember a few times when she gave us valium.

I know why she did it... she had a serious psychotic illness (probably schizophrenia) and she was frightened that she'd lose it and start screaming at us. It was a way of keeping us both safe when there was nobody else around. And I don't think she did it often... but it shocked me when I remembered. I feel sad that she felt she had to do this. I wonder what my brother would feel, if he remembered also.

Also, I had thought that I remembered everything about our childhood, the occasional outburts of bad temper from our parents, the furniture being thrown, my brother being beaten regularly, myself less regularly. Having a whole new memory pop us is really... I don't know how to put it. Just shocked me, that's all.