Hi Cantstopcrying,

1) my shrink hates when I want to talk about sex or dysfunctional sexe. He almost begged me to see a sex therapist. I did. I had 10 sessions with her. I didn't feel any progress at first. It took about 5 visits. I made lots of lists and now I know myself. I am not 'normal' sexually. But I know who I am.

2) I have read one of your other threads about childhood abuse and therapy. We have reacted sooo differently to our childhoods. I could never be a 'tool'. I get really defensive and hit back. I need to always be able to see my boyfriend and touch. That means always face to face. I need to be able to open my eyes and see that it is him or reach out and touch him and know it is him. Also if he gets too agressive, I withdraw and hit. His therapist told him that he should wait until I come to him. Often he gets angry, throws up his hands, lies on his back and crosses his arms and says, 'O.K. you come to me.' I like this cause I can put my head on his shoulder and talk and let my hands roam and I don't have to defend myself. And it is emotional love. I hate the word, 'sex'.

3) As per clothes, why should you have to change the 'whole' look at once. Maybe you could buy one piece of clothing that you like.... an A-line skirt, or a pair of sexy heels, or some cute underwear that you can wear under the baggy clothes, or a bright scarf, or skinny jeans.... something that really catches your fancy.Then I think you should wear it at a time and place that you choose... ex. coffee with a girl friend, vaccuuming when no one can see.... your choice. And I think you should do it for yourself.

roses

P.S. My shrink is really happy not to have to deal with sex anymore. He likes dealing with my anxiety more.