Thanks guys :-)

The amazing thing about therapy is that it allows us to feel through these transference issues. I allowed my little one to feel the anger and pain that was being brought up. It is something I was not safe enough to feel when I was a child.

After I went to bed last night, I was able to just get intouch with that part of me who was feeling those big emotions. I found out they were comming from the five year old alter. I still don't know exactly what made "him" - Zachary (( I thought I was a boy until I was 6)) have this strong of a response. But I do know that is where the trauma sits.

Having DID makes it a lot harder sometimes to pin-point which part of our person has the pain locked away. For me, a huge part of healing from DID is doing what my T taught me to do in just listening to that alter and not trying to stop the emotions or shut them up.

Logically, I knew this was transference. That allows the adult me to maintain the therapy relationship in a very healthy way. I didn't write my T a nasty email about how much "he" hurt me. I didn't cancel my appointments or just decide to not show up. But I did allow myself to feel all of the stuff that was being brought forward.
And I still love my T very deeply.

So right now I will just keep giving my young part the space and permission to feel upset as much as needed. And when that part of me is ready to share the pain, I will be here to listen - just like my T does.