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Old May 20, 2011, 05:32 AM
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Leed Leed is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,543
I've been in a similar situation like this and it ruined the relationship. An old friend of many years became single -- I was a widow. We'd known each other for a long time and were good friends. After his marriage broke up, he asked me out ~ I told him that I wanted to take things very SLOW -- I was still a bit "tender" since my husband died and I didn't want to jump into anything. He "said" he understood. He was good friends with my late husband so I was confident he would be ok.

Well, boy he didn't ACT like he understood. He was like an octopus ~ he was all arms & hands, if you get my drift!!! That hurt me since I'd told him I wanted to take it SLOW. I gave him a couple of chances - but after that, that was IT. No more. We haven't spoken since.

Now my situation is different from yours -- but putting sex in a friendship does tend to ruin it. Afterwards, there's always expectations. One or the other will "expect" to be monogamous; they will want an "understanding" that they are not to see anyone else; they will start to talk about the future; there will be talk about moving in with each other; etc. If one of you doesn't feel the same about the other, there are hurt feelings. If you have just recreational sex, that's a big problem -- the friendship DOES suffer. So I'd think about this and find out beforehand how the other feels, if you can.

Best of luck in whatever the outcome is. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Thanks for this!
missbelle