my feelings arent clear, not in the least. i dont know what caring for someone feels like anymore, and no one cares for me.

sometimes i will be sure of how i feel, and then something will happen and i will lose my confidence or my sense of worth and i fall into this depression where i just accuse myself of all kinds of things.

i will say it is typical for me, when i accuse myself of being homosexual, that i will be in a very bad, depressed, or otherwise unpleasant mood.

there is clarity in my mind when i can understand what im doing and where im going, and if i think that maybe someone cares about me for real and i can see and touch them.

sometimes i feel like i want to let someone get close, in this instance im talking about a girl, but then i will lose it and just want to be alone and i wont want to even leave my room or communicate with anyone.

its like i woke up yesterday not knowing who i was, where i came from, or what i am supposed to mean in life. its a terrible feeling.