I see a counselor for many issues but I didn't go into too much detail about this one. I was sexually assaulted 7 months ago. And my counselor always asks me how I was doing the past week (I see him once a week.) I say I'm fine, but I'm not. Out of nowhere, so often, I see the face of my attacker. He is smiling. And it looks like an innocent smile. Sometimes, it happens in my dreams as well. It hurts me so much to think of him and what happened. It ruins my happiness to remember how happy he was when he did what he did. I blame myself because I must have done something for him to think that was acceptable. Otherwise why was his smile like that? Like I wanted it when I didn't? I don't know how to explain this, sorry. But out of nowhere I just start crying. Sometimes, for maybe a few minutes then I force myself to snap out of it. Sometimes I have to suppress it because I have to pretend I'm fine to everyone. And then I get home and shake and cry for hours. And I don't tell my counselor all this - I guess I should. I don't know how to approach it though. Not because he's a guy, in fact, I'm grateful he is a guy. But I'm so used to suppressing everything and pretending I'm fine that when I get my hour in the consultation room, a mental block hits my head and only leaves when I'm alone to my thoughts and fear again. Sorry this is so long. Does anyone have any ideas?