Thanks Can't Stop Crying. I thought about doing that. I've written quite a few things down and I had planned to read them to him at my last appointment, and when he asked how I had been the past week, I tried to make myself go to the subject, but I was too nervous and embarrassed maybe to bring it up. I think I might get a book and write them in properly and I'll just leave it with him at the end of my appointment maybe? I can't read it out because I'll start crying and if he reads it out, it will probably be the same. One thing about having an understanding person listen is that sometimes I feel like he feels sorry for me. And so many worse things happen in people's lives, I don't think I deserve it.

I guess I'm so used to suppressing my emotions, which is why I feel like I have to. From even when I was little, I was the strong girl. I guess I saw my mum and dad physically fight a lot when I was little, and even though I was the youngest sibling, I always felt mothering of my two older sisters (1 year older and 4 years older.) So even when I wanted to cry or be upset, I would pretend I was fine. And that carried through when my dad got kicked out when I was about 9 and when my mum was depressed all through my early teens up to now. I'm the one my mum always tells her problems and pretty much all my friends and I guess I've never really had anyone listen to my own. So I've fallen into the habit of suppression and repression.