I use the same process. I knew it was cognative therapy approach because the word cognative means being aware and my past therapist used the word when we were working on finding my trggers, and then with my present therapist when in the depression management group with her, we used the work book - Mind Over Moods exercises with this exact process. Now I use that book and its exercises daily for any problems that come my way. it helps alot.

I don't miss my not being aware. I like being co-conscious and being able to control when I fight the triggers and when I just float off to la la land - Being able to be at the local library and not having to worry if I get upset about seeing someone that reminds me of an abuser or a voice that matches an abuser and so on.

By being consciously aware of my triggers when the voices, pictures and so on start replaying I now can say ok thats the trigger do this and it stops. It has made my life so much easier.

I still dissociate beyond that floaty far away feeling that I call my tunnel area sometimes unexpectedly but I don't worry so much about it because I know sooner or later those memories that I have yet to locate the memorys and triggers of will fall into place as I get stronger with my ability to use grounding techniques and relaxation techniques that include remaining aware of my body and feelings experienced with my body senses.

I don't miss my memory pieces because those memories now are a part of my conscious memory. Just like normal every day memories. I know that not so long ago I didn't remember these memories and they were stored in my unconscious filed by names, and when I got triggered I acted them out.

If anything its kind of embarrassing, like the day my son was put back in foster care to go through the residential treatment program. I somehow got to my therapist office and there I was being upset and sitting in a public building in a public waiting room curled up in a chair, tears running down my face and thumb in my mouth, and some of those people who saw me do this I had outside of therapy contact with. One of those people who saw this happen lives here in my appartment complex.

One time I went shopping with a friend in a mall and suddenly I find myself in her car alone. when she came back to the car she asked if I was done. I asked her "done what?" and she told me we were in one of the mall stores and suddenly I dropped my pants and started masterbating. she said she had a hard time getting me out of the store and people did notice what was going on.

One time I walked with a friend to her boyfriends house where a few of use planned on meeting up to go to the fair. One second her and I are standing in the parking lot talking the next I'm beating the crap out of her boyfriend right there in the parking lot. Why - he drove in with his truck, parked it and got out of his truck and walked like he normally did over to us. My friend said the minute he opened the beer can in his hand I went off not saying anything just jumped on him and started beating the crap out of him.

Miss having the memories that these situations triggered me into replaying and acting on?

NOI have worked too hard to reach the point I have and my life is better and getting better because of my work. I rarely get lost, I rarely have a bounced checking account, I never miss appointments, I never blurt out graphic memory content of what was told to me while I was raped on public buses or act out the rapes, molestations, abuse that I went through anymore, I dont experience as many panic attacks while in public, I dont masterbate in public anymore, I dont have anger outbursts during classes, meetings and spending time with my friends....

It was the things I go through with having DID that in part caused my son having to be put into foster care, and could very well be part of why he is the way he is. I have lost the right for my son to live at home partly because of what I go through from this DID "S" ugar "H"oney "I"ced "T"ea party I am in thanks to my dead abusers.

To miss something that means the person wants that back in their lives. I don't want any of that in my life.

The reality of DID is its not fun and games and causes nothing but problems - uncontrolable behavior, flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, for the person who has it. its memories of abuse that has been separated and being acted out, its not the fun of holding flesh and blood alters hands and so on that is protrayed in the mass media with special FX and dramatizations and I want no part of it in my life which is why I have worked so hard to get where I am today and I continue to work to take of my problems associated with these problems.

no.. I don't miss those gone days of uncontrolable behavior of acting out the replaying memory pieces that are now a part of my conscious memorys where I now have the choice of finding the trigger and controling myself with grounding and relaxation techniques.

I do know a very few that say they miss all that in their lives but a majority of my friends with this all agree they want no part of having this in their lives and do not miss it and do not play the games and so on sorrounding their problems because like me they would rather meet each problem head on and get rid of it so that they dont have these problems in their lives.

Sorry if this sounds like a venting rant Ive had so many people in my life that have told me things like they wished they had DID like me, or have pretended to be like me as a way to get attention because they see all that my therapists do with me to help me, and I have had people claim if I didn't like having this then to just get on with it and be done type attitudes. So when I read you missing it I thought about if I missed it and just started writing like I do in my journals. I thought about deleteing it but maybe what I post will help others to know the reality of what we DID's go through maybe a few of them will think before they tell a DID I wish I could do that or just get over it already, you could if you wanted to. DID's don't want these things to be happening and don't want it to be a part of their lives. Its something that happened to them they didn't have a choice to be abused so they dont have a choice that their memories got stored in the unconscious level and they aren't aware of what is happening so they cant control it until they work on it in therapy and learn how to be co conscious.

Sorry for running with this Caroline its not against you. just my thoughts on the missing it concept.