This week has been super crazy. On Monday, I ran into a friend (used to be like sisters and she was the matron of honor in my wedding) this week at the supermarket. I hadn't seen her in 5 months. A very upsetting situation came up and she knew I was upset but didn't take the time to call me. She was very loving and kind and did say she'd like to get together just the two of us. She and her family have been spending a great deal of time with my ex-husband which my son mentions to me and in my opinion she and another friend of mine have chosen to be friends with him over me. I don't feel safe sharing my life with these people and fear that sensitive information would get back to my ex. I'm not doing anything wrong but if I have a bad day I'm worried it will be fodder for them. When this last situation came up, I grieved the loss of the friendship and had moved on in my own way. We never met to discuss anything, but she hadn't called in 5 months and now she wants to talk. I did send her a nice text the day after saying it was good to see her and she was in my thoughts and prayers but I didn't initiate getting together so we will see if she actually follows through. There are a lot more details to this but don't want to get too lengthy.

On Thursday I was at the supermarket again and my ex-husband called me. He asked if I had a minute and I said yes, just a minute because I'm in the grocery store. He was very vague and said he wanted to let me know his girlfriend would be around a lot this summer. She works for him and I said so, she is going to be around more for work? No, he said she and her two daughters were moving in with him. I said well, I guess we are all moving on with our lives. He didn't hear me and yelled and at me and said what did you say and I repeated it. We talked about a few other things and we ended the conversation on a good note.

After I got off the phone, I realized that he had most likely signed her children up for the same swim team, camps, day care, etc. so I called back and asked him about the swim team. I did not want to do the swim team stuff and he knew it. It is a huge time commitment and my son is only six. My ex uses it as a social outlet and I do not. I hate it, but I said I would do it for my son and my ex because they were so adamant about it. I also expressed the fact I did not want to do the same swim team with his girlfriend and her kids as he had mentioned something about it a few months ago. The comment didn't really make a whole lot of sense to me because they live in a completely different town. My ex and I have worked on planning the summer for months and he never once brought up this information that they might move in together. I get the living together thing as they have gone out for a while and I figured they might do this or get married so that wasn't as upsetting or suprising. As far as the activities go, I feel set up and he completely lied to me and he dropped some stupid *** hint about her doing the same swim team months ago and I said no to that. He knew a long time ago. Yes, it is his life but that's not fair to wrangle me into things and then drop the information on me at the last minute....two weeks before school is out!

I've been working at letting go and I am moving on with my life. I lost everything and it's been hard for me. Yes, there is jealousy. He kept the beautiful custom built home with designed together and his girlfriend and daughters are moving in there. She is now friends with all the people I used to be friends with and now she and her children will be at the same school so I will have to see them twenty four seven. There are still scars from the divorce as he kicked me out of the house and took our son due to my manic attack. There was never any sort of closure as I came home from the hospital and was served with papers to get out and that I couldn't see my son. On top of all this he started dating this woman only 6 months after all this. It hurts that she is fact got to see my son more than me while I was regaining custody.

It's all a process and of course this situation is not earth shattering. I survived the hell I was in when I lost my son for a while. I have been working on resentments toward my ex but he colluded against me and abandoned me and now he pulls bs stuff like this again and it just hurts and brings up all the old resentments I've been working to get past.

Thanks for listening to my reflections and emotions about this stuff. It feels good to get it out and post here.