I really need some insight into this situation. I've researched it. I've educated myself on OCD and depression, but I can't seem to convince my boyfriend (age 23) that he needs help. He has to make the choice to get help, I know this. But he refuses. He thinks it's useless or he's afraid they'll lock him up. Lately, it seems that he just thinks it's everyone else, namely his family, who has the problem.

Basically, he has a huge problem with germs and hygiene. Anything he thinks is "dirty" is nearly beyond salvaging, including people. He deems his parents and younger sister to be very dirty so he will not touch them, at all. This has also led to him refusing to touch the doorknobs so he can't get outside on his own without someone opening the door for him. He also won't use the washer or dryer to even wash his own clothes because he saw his father put a rug soiled by the dog in there. He won't drive his own truck ever since his grandfather took a nap in there. The man was staying with them during his recovery from a partial colectomy, so he had some bowel control issues but nothing to indicate he had an episode within the truck. And his hands...I almost want to cry whenever I see them. They look like crocodile skin.

I know he can't help it, but it still hurts whenever he demands that I shower just because his father brushed up against me. Or he'll demand I scrub my lips if I would happen to touch my lips with hands he viewed as unclean. I resist and then it starts an argument in which he viciously accuses me of not caring about him or taking into account how much being unclean bothers him. He's told me that when he's not clean, he doesn't feel secure. But I don't know how much cleaner one can get when he's scrubbing off the first couple layers of skin several times a day. The OCD has driven this wedge between us and it is so heartbreaking to see him full of so much anxiety and anger.

I love him very much and I don't want to abandon him, but the situation has taken its toll on me as well. It's exhausting and frustrating. We live four hours apart right now, so the only communication we have is via phone (his computer is now "dirty" so instant message, facebook, and email are out of the question). He rarely answers or returns my calls and he has stopped calling me. When I do speak to him, he is so cold and distant, if not irate and thoughtless towards me. I feel like he's withdrawing from the world and pushing everyone away. His family doesn't seem to know what to do either. They have also suggested he get some help to no avail.

He expects me to just "accept him as he is", but he has an illness which has completely consumed him and made it impossible for him to live his life. I understand it might always be there, but it just doesn't make sense to me that he would try to do nothing about it. He can't live his life like this to say nothing of carrying on a relationship with me. I resent the OCD and depression for taking him away from me. If I resent him, it's only because I feel he's letting it happen. But then I feel guilty because I can't possibly understand what he's going through. I realize his mental health is not my responsibility, but he's my boyfriend and one of my best friends. I want to be with him, I want him in my life. I don't want to give up on him or us. We've been together for over four years and most of that time things were great. But things have hit such an all-time low that walking away seems to be the only option. I will do that if I have to, but, obviously, it's the last thing I want to do.

Does anyone have any advice on how to approach him or make the idea of therapy more...appealing? Because I've run out of ideas and I'm running out of steam.