Sorry autie4lyf that you're dealing with this. It must be hard. Just know there is support out there... and here as well. What happened to you is a violation of your right to control and it's not fair and you didn't deserve it - nobody does. You can take back control though. It's so hard, and sometimes you might just want to give up, thinking there's no way forward. But there always is. It's not going to be a sprint, more a marathon. And it takes a different amount of time for different people. It will get better. It may not seem like it now, but I promise you it will I really hope you'll be able to see that too. Keep posting, we're all here for you.

By the way, here's a question: I noticed you're from England and wondered if you'd ever been to a RASASC? Or do you see a counselor? It's difficult, but it might be beneficial. They won't force you to say anything you don't want to or make you go to the police if you don't want to. Try considering it.

Take care and I'm rooting for you