I ended up going back to bed only to be plagued by memories of my ex boyfriend again. It's been 13 yrs since we finally broke up and have been with my husband now for 12 yrs so, considering I haven't thought about him or had dreams about him, what I really have to ask myself is 'why now?' I have had a few days on a 'little up'....somewhat hyper but nothing extreme so that could go to explain some of how I am feeling....but what lead me to have memories of him come to the front of my mind? I googled his house and sat there on my lap top just stearing at it while listening to a song that we liked together. Why I am doing this to myself? It's like a part of me wants to remember I had fantasies last night about seeing him and in this fantasy i sat at his kitchen table telling him how wrong he was about me...to a certain extent, and how well I was doing for myself. In this fantasy, we got back together and he had help re his very violent temper and we lived happily ever after blah blah blah. But, I love my husband.....so I am so confused. And I feel guilty about these feelings. But a part of me wants him to know that I survived and that all the things he told me I would be without him....I am not. Oh my, now I am feeling terrible again