You have the responsibility to stand up for your wishes, your values, your standards, and to keep yourself out of situations that compromise what you believe is right. How able you were to say something, do something, change the situation, etc. we can't judge. It is between you and God and maybe the others involved in those situations.

Towards the end of my marriage, I allowed my husband to do things that I did not want to do, and even though I didn't tell him no, it affected me as if he raped me. I was emotionally paralyzed afterward, and there was long-term damage to my mood, my mental health, and repercussions into my career, etc. I have been told that it was not actually rape, because I didn't say no, and some of the responsibility for it does fall on me. Growing a backbone is essential if we are going to be successful in life and be emotionally healthy. We can't change the past, and we can't change other people. The only thing we can control is ourselves.

I understand the pain and the confusion. They are real, and must be worked through. That kind of hurt almost always requires help (therapy, religious authority, as appropriate). We need to heal from what was done to us. We also need to take responsibility for what is ours, learn from it, and make changes so that we don't allow people to hurt us anymore.