It's human nature to want to fit in, be accepted, feel good about who we are. Something keeps you from accepting yourself as you are. Judging and shaming yourself serves some purpose for you - it may 'justify' isolating and avoiding intimate relationships for example. It is deeper than what you do, it is about how you feel about yourself and the things you enjoy. The self judging and shaming keep you from deserved joy, but perhaps you feel you don't deserve that joy, so you decide that what you enjoy is something that should not be enjoyed. And you are left robbed of your joy.