introvertguy,

You're over-thinking it. I could be wrong - forgive me if I am - but it sounds like your mind is racing. So many thoughts, wondering about so may things. Struggling to find information on what you are dealing with. Like some search engines say, you just need to narrow down your search. Try to focus your mind more. Think less about the 'big boys' and how they do things, and more about how you do things. Do what feels good and stop doing what doesn't feel good. And refuse to feel guilty about what works for you. And if I read your post all wrong I apologise.