I posted another thread about his issues with OCD (on top of depression) trapping him in his house so I won't go into a lot of detail about that. We've been together for four years now. He lives with his family about four hours away from me.

A month ago he had an altercation with his father that led him to the conclusion that he can't last at his house another year. In a nutshell, he thinks his family, especially his father, is really dirty and he always thinks they're messing with his things on purpose to send him off the deep end. He was fairly upset over this and I let him just pour out his woes as usual because there really was nothing else I could do. I did not see the situation as being nearly as bad as he did, but it wasn't important what I thought at the moment. I just wanted to give him comfort.

But then he asks me if I could move up my plans to get an apartment by next year to getting one in just a few months. Not possible. I need to get a second job and, with him being consumed by OCD, he has no job at all and thus no money to contribute. So getting a place right now or very soon is just not feasible for me. And it wouldn't solve his problems anyway. I told him as gently as I could that even if I had enough money for a security deposit and first month's rent, I would not have any money left over to pay my monthly bills on top of food and all these other things we would need. To note, he has NEVER had to cover his own expenses so it's not surprising that these things didn't come to mind for him. Well, he got very angry over this and told me I just didn't want to do it and I really didn't care about him, thought he was a piece of **** and all that. While he did tell me that it wasn't my responsibility to get him out of the house, he definitely tried to guilt me into anyway.

I'm not being unfair, right? I know he's miserable at his house, but it's not his family who has him trapped. It's not his family who is the problem. He needs to see a psychiatrist for the OCD and depression. But he doesn't want to listen to me when I tell him that so I don't know what to say. And now he barely speaks to me at all. I think he must resent me for letting him down, in his view. I call him, but he never picks up and he rarely returns the calls. On the rare chance that he does return a call, I'm usually at work. The conversations we do have are awkward and strained and he just doesn't sound like talking at all. And he'll say thoughtless, pointlessly mean things to me or make fun of me for the most trivial things. He never used to say such things and I don't know why he does it. I try not to be overly sensitive. I realize he's in pain and he's lashing out at those who are closest to him because we are the easiest targets. But I can't not take these things personally coming from him. I still find it inexcusable and I told him so.

But if I bring up an issue I have with his behavior, he'll dismissively tell me that "I'm not playing that game," or he'll accuse me of trying to pick a fight. I really feel that's unfair and that he does that so he can trivialize and make light of my concerns and feelings. But if he has an issue with something I'm doing, he has no qualms with telling me about it. And at least I take him seriously and try to rectify the matter. I expect him to do the same for me. That's what you do in a relationship. But then I think, he's severely depressed and he's not really himself. He doesn't normally act like this.

So I don't know how to talk to him anymore. It's like walking on eggshells with him all the time now. I'm afraid I'm either going to come on too strong or too soft. I want to have a PRODUCTIVE conversation with him. I want my boyfriend back. I don't think he even notices how much he hurts me with his words anymore. He's always placed far more value on actions than on words. But we're in an LDR right now so words are kind of all we have. And they hurt far more than he realizes. I try my hardest not to let my frustration get the better of me. But it's not easy and sometimes I do say things which I regret. But I at least apologize for them.

He never apologizes. And I'm not a machine. I can only take so much. I realize he's depressed, but that does not seem like a good enough excuse for the way he acts not only towards me but towards his entire family, especially when he's not trying to do anything about the depression. Any pointers on how I can improve our communication?