I'm extremely sorry you're going through this. My fiance and I were in a long distance relationship for four years before we were finally able to move in together (and several states away from our families). It used to be, though, that I was the one in the position of your boyfriend, and my fiance was in your place.

The first thing I would recommend is getting the book, "Stop Walking on Eggshells" from the library. It's written by Randi Kreger and Paul T. Mason. It's directed towards partners of those suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder, but I think it has a lot of useful information in there for how to talk to anyone that struggles with a mental illness. It also talks a lot about making sure you're taking care of yourself first and not letting your needs get pushed aside in your attempt to care for your partner. I recommend getting it from the library because I would suggest skimming it/reading through it from the library first, then if you find it helpful to you, then perhaps consider buying a copy to mark up and such.

Next, I think you should write him a letter explaining everything that you wrote in your post. He sounds like he is trapped in his own emotions and can't see exactly what he is doing to you. This is something I struggle with myself. I get caught up in my own world, my own pain, that i don't always see the pain I'm inflicting on the man I love more than anything. When I do realize it, I end up hating myself, beating up on myself, which hurts my fiance even more. Sometimes, I just need something to snap me out of my own little world. I think a well thought out, gentle letter, that shows me what I'm doing, but that I am still loved and wanted, would do the trick. He clearly needs to start therapy, and I think you need to mention that in the letter. Without help, he is only going to push you away and shut you out of his life, which I believe neither of you wants.

I'm wishing the best for you and I hope that the two of you are able to work this out. I hope none of this came off as too harsh.