Once in Ikea, returning a faulty piece of goods, I started on a long rant about how transnational consumerism was symptomatic of the imminent collapse of society, and Ikea's secret plan was to destabilise the governments of the world, as evidenced by the fact that people who made furniture out of flat packs would either be driven to despair, or to live in yurts. I then demanded they sell me a yurt. The lady had no idea what a yurt was, but I continued demanding one, and asked to see the manager.

My husband was laughing his head off, while trying to calm me down. A lot of people were laughing... turned out some of them thought I had a hidden camera on me and was filming for a tv comedy show.

Another time I went off on a truly random rant was when I saw an RSPCA stall, extolling the values of Freedom Food. I started declaiming, at the top of my voice, that Freedom Food created a wonderful rosey world where animals lept joyously to the butcher's blade, the world was full of unicorns, and that pigs wanted to be eaten. Obviously I was being ironic... but you'd be surprised how many people just thought I was a simply a loud person speaking on behalf of the RSPCA.

On that occasion I was moved on by the police, who did seem to think it was kind of funny.