I put a trigger on this reply for talking about death

dizgirl, that's my fear, that somehow I will lose my T before I'm ready. No one else makes me feel as satisfied as she does. I've felt that way about all my Ts but more so with this one. I love her like friends or family, and I know some of that is transference, but it's still my feeling. I've taken risks with her that I've never taken with any other T. I don't know how I would function without her, like if she died. No one IRL can substitute or give me what she has. She wants me to give it to myself, but I still need HER hand, HER words, HER smile. I have her inside of me but I want her outside of me too. I wish I knew why I'm so pathetic. She would hate my saying that, but it's so hard to think about loss, especially if someone dies. This transfers to death of my family, but that's so terrible to contemplate I don't know which is worse. Sorry about this venting right now.