Not sure where to post this since my "mental 'disorders'" (I don't like the term so much) range from supposed Bipolar to Multiple Personality to anxiety disorder... The list continues. Well who knows if I actually have any of these but what I do know is things aren't going 100% for me.

I'm hearing things again. Most of them sound like they come from outside of me... Foot steps, doors opening, people talking, crashing noises... You name it. This could be because of my "schizophrenia" but the voices come from within as well. I hear noises mostly inside my head but occassionally I hear words. My name being yelled, being whispered, other names, random words, not too much of it which actually makes sense though. It seems like sentenses that were never fully said or heard. Just as the noises once I try to listen to what I hear inside to make sense of it, it stops after a moment. I don't know what it means though, it could be from the supposed multiple personalities I have, but who knows.

The problem is that I have been off meds for over a year and a half. They seemed to make everything worse, no matter how many meds or what kind I would take it made the voices and things I saw much worse. I mostly hear things, think people are talking when they aren't and apparently a few times I have said something that only a fraction of a second later I can't remember saying anything at all.

I haven't again seen too much and I'm not depressed really. Not at all compared to the rest of my life full of meds and doctors. I evaluate myself and work with myself to solve my inner problems when triggers occur or I'm just feeling down about myself. But since the bills started to pile on and I lost my job, living every day just trying to find money for food that day, the voices are returning. They were worse at one point, I nearly hospitalized myself the last time and my pdoc was wanting to do the same to me. Nothing I saw or heard or thought was real. I'm afraid of going back to that point now that the voices and other things are returning.

I am stressed out from bills food and not even having medical insurance but I have known much harder things than this so I'm having trouble figuring out why the sounds are coming back. I know stress is a major contributor to mental problems but I had thought I had my "problems" under control now I don't know where to turn.

I have no medical insurance and no car even and no license to drive so a pdoc/t isn't what I'm hoping is needed, I don't think I need to be hospitalized as I know when I hear these things if not instantly but momentarily that they are not real. They aren't effecting my life too much right now, just making myself sound a little whacky to the people around me but I'm afraid things will get worse if I don't figure this out soon. I've started to "space out" as well. Loosing control of my movements, as if something else is forcing me to move and fading into the back of my mind. I can stop this most of the time when I feel it come on though, attention is mostly all it takes, focus on what is around me and it keeps me here.

I may have needed to post this in the dissociative forum or the schizo forum but since it could be any number of my "mental disorders" I posted here. I'm sorry for such a long posting but I tend to do that before I even realize it. Any kind words, advice or just reading this would be more than enough and I would be very grateful! I hope you all are well!!!