Been friends wtih this girl since first grade. I have been isolating from her for quite awhile now.She'd been emailing me like crazy. So I finally broke down last night and told her some of the reasons why I do this.
1. I have basically isolated from most of my rl friends because I am more scared of them calling the sherriff on me if they know what is going on. Since they all directly know where I live and how to get a hold of my husband.. I dont want to give them .. for lack of a better word... amunition to put me in the hospital.

I dont want it to seem like I am ashamed of my mental illness.. but all of my rl friends are so " normal and well adjusted" That I freak at them seeing me or hearing me being depressed( to the point I cannot hold in my crying) or anxious or manic. I just dont want them to see me like that.

3. As you can see, she is assuming since I had talked about suicidal ideations ... She thinks I attempted it. Well I sorta did by not taking my blood pressure meds. But that is as far as it went . I just dont get why she thinks what she does about suicide. After all I have explained to her about it. And I dont know that she will understand after all I have said.

4thly here this doesnt have anything to do with why I isolate..But I want you guys to know , that this friend and I have been thru thick and thin together. Her being thin and me thick lol. Thats sorta a joke between us. And I love her dearly and as you can see at the end .. She feels the same about me. I dont like doing this to her. I dont like what happens to me. How do I help her understand what goes on in my mind w/o her freaking out about it . She is such a good person. She's always believed in me when I thought there wasnt anything to belive in . And as you can see , since I have stopped selling GCCandles...event though I only gave it 4 months she still thinks I could do it.. I messed up an order big time and it caused me alot of anxiety.Thats why I just felt I couldnt do it anymore.But I am so happy I got someone close to get my candles from! LOL!!!!

If any of you have any advice on how I can help her to understand things without her getting upset and freaking out on me I'd appreciate it. Thanks~ Bethy

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Hi Beth...didn't get a chance to email you at work today, as it was a very hectic day, lots of stuff going on.

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. Wish there was something I could do or say to make things better, but I know there is not. Just try to hang in there...know that you are a wonderful, caring person who is loved very much. Don't think that suicide is the answer, because it is not. Suicide is a sign of weakness, and we both know, deep down, that you are stronger than you want to admit. It takes a special, strong person to put up with everything you have had to deal with in your life..not many people could do it. Hold your head high, be proud of the fact that you are a SURVIVOR. Be proud of who you are, and how precious you are to me and many, many others.

I asked about the Gold Canyon stuff because I did want to tell you that I finally caved in, and jumped in to selling it..yes, just recently I took the plunge. I've become friendly with a girl on Ebay who was selling discontinued GCC products, and with her encouragement, I went for it. I decided to try it for a year and see how things went. You shouldn't have gotten discouraged so quickly...so what if you screwed up an order? Aren't we all human?? We ALL make mistakes. The business portion of this scares the hell out of me too..I worry about the tax reporting and all that because I'm dumb when it comes to financial stuff, but I joined a Gold Canyon group, and there is always someone to ask for help. I sent out catalogs and for the first 2 weeks I didn't hear SQUAT from anyone about wanting anything...I thought "maybe I shouldn't have done this"...well, all of a sudden I had people emailing ME, calling ME...wanting candles. I've done pretty well this past month and into these few days of February..held an open house last Saturday, only had 5 people show up, but I still have over $1,000 in sales so far, so I'm pretty proud of that. I'm sure that will not last...but at least it was motivation. I was disappointed that you stopped selling because they are having a conference in Cincinnati in March and I thought maybe we could go together..that would have been fun. I would have told you sooner that I joined up, but I knew you've been going thru some stuff and was trying to give you your space (even though at times I kept trying to pry).

If you ever need to talk, you know I am here to listen. We've been friends for too long to shut each other out, and I have no intention of allowing you to do that. I will give you your space, of course, but there's no way I'm allowing you to walk out of my life! Hold your head up high...I love you!