Squiggle...............

I am definitely not an expert on this. I agree it is a process and may take you some time. Try to look back at that time and realize that you did the best with what you knew at the time. Even if that "best" was not so great. Look at the progress you have made. Think of the person you love the most. Whoever that is............would you forgive them? Or work towards that..........if they wronged you? You should treat yourself with at least that much love and compassion. I know it is tough tough tough. It might also be something about control, that is accepting that we don't have control over everything. If someone wrongs us(in some situations, I am NOT talking about trauma) it is easier to blame ourselves..........we should have been able to stop it, change it, whatever than accept that we were a victim. With forgiving ourselves, it is the same thing for some...............we should have been able to control the situation..........made it different. Done better. Thought smarter. What if? What if? It is easier to blame ourselves than accept the loss of control in our lives. Be gentle with yourself..............this is a struggle for many people in therapy.