I saw pdoc today, little tweak in my meds. The pdoc mentioned that I am treatment resistant, meaning that meds don't work for me for very long and then they have to change. Also that I have to take a lot of meds at high doses. This will never get better. It will always keep coming back. I am so down right now. And I will always have this. I get sick every 6mo to 18mo. It's not fair, and I am bitter, and I feel like a small child stamping her foot. But I just am so angry at myself, at fate, at whatever... I don't want to be sick. Especially not over and over again. There is no hope, nothing good will last. But the bad will come back like clockwork. I really can't stand this anymore.