okay. this has been a bad few. . . what? days maybe, weeks definitely. lifetime? yes for sure. my son is sick my car is falling apart my husband is about to leave for the weekend. i was supposed to have a biopsy today but had to cancel because i'm going to be alone all weekend. and i'm on the phone and this person is communicating how i need to change and get myself together and finally i started to cry out of just complete and total frustration and my friend said, forget you. goodbye forever. why now, with all the hurt and pain i'm already feeling. why now, when all i need is a &^%$ing shoulder to lean on and somebody to say hey, youre going to be okay and i'm here for you. i seriously give up. what is the point in trying to change? its always now! now! now! not a few days or five minutes or a month. i'm dealing with so much, a disintegrating marraige, financial instability, a future thats a complete unknown, and this person just washed their hands and walked.
self-worth? i feel like a worm right now. lower than that. a one-celled organism whose existence is rather pointless. i now have to deal with my day with this huge gaping hole in my life because i couldnt change fast enough. holy crap if someones there, can you just say something nice. anything, i feel like i'm going to cry my eyes right out of my head and i need to get my *&^% together because my life cant fall apart when theres so much that needs to be done.