Thanks for all the advice and kind words! I have thought about taking meds again but have worried about it. I'm all the way in Florida Tara so I'm too far from Cali but I will look into it and see if there is a clinic similar here. My main problem with the meds is that they don't work well with the dissociation. The thing about meds as with my case and I believe the others, with dissociative disorders meds don't work and sometimes do the opposite and make things worse. They can cause me to loose control of myself much worse than if I were doing it on my own, make me see and hear all sorts of things, it's kind of like they open a gate between my mind and my subconscious mind and get it all mixed up in there. When I was on meds is when my "alters" started to show up. So I'm very reluctant to go back down that road when the last time I did I saw buffalo on the interstate, spiders everywhere and so on. But who knows, as you said Tara, maybe I need to try a new combo.

It means a lot that both of you replied, thank you very much. Psych central has not failed to be my rock when I needed strength in the last 2 years since I found it! I don't know why but my body also does not have a low tolerance. With pain meds acting just the same as psych meds, they may work to begin with but after the first week or two the dose has to be increased or my body develops a tolerance, another reason I don't like meds. But hey, I didn't go to college so if a pdoc who went for 8 years tells me I need them, I probably should believe him! Thanks again for all the kind words!