Thanks RomanSunburn, I will definitely add that book to my hold list. I already have three books about OCD on the list. It's real hard to think of my own needs with him sometimes. Well, it was a lot harder when we were in school and I was around him all the time. I exhausted myself to the point of illness with trying to handle all my end-of-year schoolwork on top of trying to take care of him when he was sliding into such deep depression. But it never seemed to be enough and he would always make me feel like I could never do anything right. There are different hardships that arise with an LDR though, so I'm not saying I'm glad he's four hours away. I miss him in more ways than just his physical presence.

The letter is a great idea. I actually have one started, but I don't know if I was ever going to send it. It's stuck on Word atm, and it's rather long and detailed. I think it was more a form of catharsis for me, but I really think I should write a real letter to him and actually send it. Mail is a problem with the OCD though. It's not the fact that postal workers and whatnot would be handling it, it's just trying to get outside past the "dirty" doorknobs to get the mail before one of his family members puts their "dirty" hands on it. It's a stressful endeavor for him, which makes sending a letter a conundrum. But I feel it's worth a shot. It's not like anything else I'm doing is having any appreciable effect on him.

It's very enlightening to hear from someone on the other side. I'm glad you understand that it can be hard for people like your fiance and myself, though probably not as hard as it is for those who suffer from depression. And I definitely don't want to make my bf feel guilty. Logically, I know he's not really himself, so he doesn't really mean those things he says to me and he doesn't mean to be so cold, distant, and utterly apathetic towards me. But emotionally...well, it's a different matter altogether. Like I said, coming from him, the man I love so deeply, it's like a knife to the heart. He really does need help and I suppose I just don't understand why he's so resistant to the idea. He's not getting any better on his own. If anything, he's getting worse and his own family can barely stand to be around him. That's heartbreaking. Any pointers on how I can encourage him to get help without sounding...condescending?

And I know I don't want him to shut me out, but it's hard to gauge what he wants now that he's been so wrapped up in depression and OCD. He doesn't seem to care much about anyone or anything...I know he's miserable like this and, well, the whole apartment issue shows that he wants his life back on track. He just wasn't going about it in the best way.

And, no, it didn't come off as too harsh. Thanks!