I think that you were absolutely right to point out to him that the apartment isn't a viable idea at the moment. Even if you could afford it, and all the bills, I think it would be a mistake to move in with him at the moment. He thinks his whole family are dirty... if he moved in with you, then you would become the focus of his distress, and you'd find yourself having to wash your hands dozens of times a day, and dancing around him constantly trying to placate his delusions of dirtiness.

I hate to suggest this, but if he won't look for help, if he won't accept that he has a problem, then really, what relationship can you possibly have? You can't have a physical with him, you could never have friends around, you couldn't have children, or even a pet. Every moment of your lives would circle around making sure the appartment was "clean" enough for him.

Nobody can live this way. He's mentally ill, he can't help it. But you're not ill, there is no compulsion for you to end up locked into an eternal pattern of misery and pain.

My advice, and this is really REALLY harsh, is that you should break it off with him. Until he is prepared to accept he has a problem, you can't have a relationship with him. He doesn't want to get better. He just wants to control his entire environment and make sure it's "clean." Letting in a therapist is not something he's likely to do, until he's really pushed.

Please forgive me, but my advice is break up with him. He's no longer your boyfriend anyway... he shows you no love or affection. He's someone who is drowning, and in trying to hang on to you he puts you at risk of drowning too.

You need to give him an ultimatum. And mean it. Don't play games with him... they're his games. You deserve MUCH better than that.