You're right I don't think the "in sickness and in health" portion of the vows should be pick and choose. However, speaking as someone who is in a relationship (if you could call it that at this point ) with a person with mental illnesses, I know how stressful and difficult it can be. It sounds like your sister was either in denial about the alcoholism or maybe had the misguided idea that everything would be better once she was there giving him her love and support. Illnesses don't give two cents about that, though. They will do what they will regardless of people's feelings on the matter.

My boyfriend is in the grips of OCD and depression, neither of which he is seeking treatment for. He's deluded himself into thinking everyone else has the problem (i.e. me, his family, the world, etc.) and there's nothing wrong with him. So, there's not really much I can do at this point and it may be that I will have to leave. But if your sister's husband is willing to seek out help to get his problems under control, then I agree that it is very unreasonable of her to not even give him a chance. I would be jumping for joy if my boyfriend wanted to see a psychiatrist and I would gladly do everything in my power to get him there.

Perhaps it just dug up all those bad memories of her ex. My mother suffers from bipolar disorder, but nothing so severe as what he had. But she has spent more than a few occasions in the psychiatric ward of the hospital. It was enough, though, that when my parents divorced my father was awarded physical custody of myself and my 3 younger siblings.

Being threatened by someone you love is hard, perhaps impossible, to overcome. It's difficult to separate your emotions from the cold facts. The fact is, it wasn't truly him threatening her, it was the mania. But, emotionally, she'll only see it as the man she loved and trusted being violent towards her. I can understand where she's coming from with that. And she had her son to think about. She probably can only think about that really bad manic episode. Just because he is on meds does not rule out the possibility that it may happen again. She may have thought she was doing what was best for herself and her children.

It is unfortunate that she continues to make life difficult for him because I can guess that life is difficult enough having to live with this mental illness. But she's probably just scared and reading what I read, well, I can't particularly say I blame her. There's no easy answer to that. Have you tried speaking to her about maybe easing up on her ex, especially when it comes to visitation rights with their son?

IMO, if you profess to loving someone unconditionally, you need to put your money where your mouth is, but within reason. In your sister's case with her current husband, I think she's being unreasonable with going right to divorce. She maybe could benefit from seeing a therapist herself to help her work through the issues of her previous relationship. I really think her current husband's problems might just be reawakening old fears.

In my personal case, my boyfriend has thus far refused to seek out help. There's no way we can carry on a relationship so long as he lets the depression and OCD consume him. It's just not feasible. It doesn't mean that I don't love him. I love him very much and it breaks my heart, but if it continues like this for much longer I will have to break it off. You need more than love to keep a relationship going.