Hi - it does sound like you have put up a valiant effort to maintain this relationship and tried to help him as best you could. That being said, I have to agree with mgran here. He needs to be held somewhat accountable for at least acknowledging that he has a problem and needs to seek treatment. This may seem contradictory to my earlier post on sticking things out in a relationship w/someone with mental illness, but sometimes an ultimatum is called for when someone is stuck in an unhealthy pattern. I can tell you that it worked for me.

I have bipolar disorder and became very very sick before the birth of my second child. I had severe rapid cycling before she was born and then some very disturbing Postpartum OCD added on afterwards. I was actively seeking help, taking my meds, etc., and my husband had been as supportive as humanly possible for about two years. After a while, I became stuck in a pattern of multiple hospitalizations and chronic suicidality - basically had a revolving door on the hospital. During a lengthy 6-week stay, and while I was having ECT, my husband had finally had enough and said that I couldn't come home. I was shocked and devastated. He did not file for divorce, but needed to somehow break me out of my cycle. He took a big chance by pushing me away at a critical time, but in retrospect it was probably the only thing that really made me snap out of my cycle. I was eventually allowed back home and our family has healed. That was 8 years ago, and it has taken some time to trust him again when I do get sick, but we are still together. We still have bumps in the road now and then, but I think it took seeing what I was about to lose to help me make the decision to really try to pull out of an unhealthy pattern.

It may sound counterintuitive, and it may feel like you are abandoning him (and there is a good chance he will feel this way), but it sounds like you need to make a similar break with him for his own good. Not only do you need to set healthy boundaries for yourself, but it may be the thing he needs to finally get his own help. It doesn't need to be "goodbye forever", unless you want it to be, but there should be some expectations set for any sort of reconciliation. Don't forget to take care of yourself during this stressful time.