I try not to think about it though. Sometimes I'll just feel bad and I wont know why until take a minute and put two and two together (what's happening and my memories). To be honest I haven't thought about him since the end of March, and then before that since January. In March it was because he came around again to try and talk everything over and now it just popped outta no where because I'm trying to overcompensate my loneliness by making a million friends, which was how I met him in the first place.

I don't know how to make myself not remember because for 2 years I some how made sure that anything and everything could be related back to him. Even my own depression and mother and school problems here I told him everything and for one day I had been supported, and the next mocked and put down about it. It wasn't just that he left, he cheated on me with a girl who was obsessed with destroying my life and then turned into someone who also seemed like he wanted to destroy me. There was so much manipulation and day after day there was just more and more hurt inflicted.. and I could never understand why or what I did to be suddenly so hated..

If it took me over 8 years away to even stop thinking about this type of behaviour from my mother, and going on 3 1/2 years trying not to pay attention to this behaviour from the girl who hates me.. so I don't know how I can believe that I am capable of just letting this go.. I never just let go of anything.. It sticks.