Yes, I feel I was right on this, too. But he has this way of twisting things around to make my actions seem so selfish. He did at one point tell me "well thanks for only thinking of yourself". But it wouldn't just be a bad idea for me, it would be a disaster for him as well. At his house, he lives rent-free, his parents pay for his credit card and student loans, they cover everything. And he acts like he's being cruelly treated and abused. It's ridiculous. He seems to think they are intentionally "messing with his things" to sabotage his life and make him snap. That makes no sense to me, but when I would tell him that he would simply redirect his anger to me. See how hard it is to have a rational conversation with him?

And, yes, I will admit a large part of it is that I simply don't want to live with him right now. I already tasted what it was like in college near the end of senior year when the severe OCD cropped up. My hands cannot sustain the abuse that his have received, my skin is far more delicate and sensitive. And I'm trying to apply to medical school right now. There's no way he'd be comfortable with me if/when I go to med school and I'm not doing a Hazmat operation every day just to placate him. But my resistance would always spark an argument. Basically, if I didn't scrub or take a random shower if I so happened to brush up against something, he would conclude that I must not care about him. It would infuriate me and we would argue, but I would inevitably give in because I hated seeing him so overcome by anxiety. So even if I could have gotten an apartment with him, I would have had to shoot the idea down anyway.

Unfortunately, you're right on this account, too. It's taken me a long time to accept this. There is no way we can have a healthy relationship while he continues to live in denial about his mental health (or lack thereof). It's heartwrenching, though, because underneath the OCD and depression, he's a wonderful young man. He's so smart, funny, and insightful and he was a very sweet and thoughtful boyfriend. It's just not fair that he would allow these illnesses to drive a wedge between us. And he thinks I've done nothing for him, done nothing to fight for us. He doesn't see how much I care any longer. He thinks no one really cares about him anymore. His family, of course, is an object of much contempt in his eyes and I really don't understand. He and his mother have always had a rocky relationship and now, as you can probably assume, their relationship has already worsened. She's told me before she's thought about kicking him out of the house. But then he'd have nowhere to go.

That's not harsh at all, really. He is all about control. When he doesn't feel clean, he doesn't feel secure, or so he's told me. So he'll do anything within his power to feel secure. Even at my home while on the phone with him he would ask what stuff I'd been touching and if I mentioned having messed around with a certain thing he would ask me to shower/wash my hands immediately. I told him he was being ridiculously controlling and that it was bad enough he did this to me when we were actually around one another, but from four hours away, too? Naturally, he did not take well to be called "controlling" and said he couldn't date someone who thought he was being controlling. He doesn't cope with the stress well and he would have random outbursts of temper towards his family or me-nothing violent, mind you. So all he does now is withdraw and hide out in his room and from the world. It's so frustrating and sad because, again, this isn't how he normally is. I realize this may be something he'll never outgrow, but he could at least get it under control. It is possible to live a productive, normal life with OCD and depression. And the fact that he doesn't even want to try for our relationship or himself...well, it's just tragic.