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Originally Posted by RomanSunburn
I think Mgran and dragonfly said what I was trying to say, but couldn't. Perhaps when you write him the letter (maybe an email would work better?) you could tell him that he can't continue with the path he's taking, and that he needs to get help, or you will be forced to leave the relationship to take care of yourself.
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An email wouldn't work. I think his computer has been relegated to the "dirty" list or it just doesn't work properly. It's hard to keep track of what is "dirty" and what isn't. Sending a traditional letter seems to be the best option, although getting the mail is a very stressful endeavor because of the OCD. I've sent mail to him before and I always had to inform him well ahead of time, give him a timeframe of when it might arrive and he would make up a ridiculously complicated game plan just to get out his house when the mailman arrived. This is how badly OCD has interfered with his life and he still refuses to get help. It confounds me.
But, yes, I will mention that in the letter. I am hoping to make him see that I don't want to abandon him, but I feel that he would only see it like that anyway. There's nothing I can do about that, unfortunately.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RomanSunburn
I also don't think therapy would a bad idea for you right now. It might be helpful to have a third party knowledgeable with what is going on in your boyfriend's head to bounce things off of. They'll probably also have ideas on reopening communication and how to talk to him about going to therapy himself. Perhaps if your boyfriend sees that this issue is important enough to make you go to therapy, he'll start to reconsider his stance. If he is able to visit you at all, perhaps you could bring him to a session. At the very least, if it turns out that this relationship can't be save, you're therapist will be able to help you through the break up and teach you how to make yourself your number one priority in life.
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Yeah, therapy probably wouldn't be a bad idea right now. These issues came at one of the worst possible times. I'm attempting to apply to med school and I have to retake the MCAT in July since I completely bombed the April one. My confidence was severely shaken up by that since I normally do so well with school/tests, etc. I'd have to see if our insurance covered it because, alas, I am an impoverished college grad with only a part-time retail job atm. His parents I know would gladly pay for his therapy sessions if their insurance didn't cover it. But I'm from a working class home and don't have that luxury.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RomanSunburn
I don't think you should just trash the relationship you've worked so hard on. But I do think you need to make it plain to him that you need to take care of yourself and that if there isn't some sort of improvement or an attempt to work on himself, you'll be forced, out of necessity, to move on. Granted, he has to want to get better on his own, but maybe he simply needs a push to show him that his behavior is hurting the ones he loves to get him so he feels he needs to change also.
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Sometimes I worry that I don't matter enough to him anymore (like everything else doesn't seem to matter) that my leaving just wouldn't make a difference. I know that shouldn't be my priority, but it is something I can't help thinking about. And it's awful. He was always on my case about being "supportive" and being a source of comfort and I consistently didn't deliver in his eyes. But what exactly does he expect me to support...his downward spiral? I was set up to fail in that endeavor to begin with, I think, since I was expected to pull him out of a hole created by mental illness. I can't be both his girlfriend and his pseudo-therapist. That's far too much pressure on me. I love him so much, but I can't keep doing this.
Thanks for all the advice and support!